Loon Lake Resort Cabin #3
revision-Stars and stripes flutteron a white painted pole.A transistor plays rhythmssuggestive of sin.Mother dancesin flowered Capris, sprinkles paprika to spice Deviled Eggs.After holding their...
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Great poem. Great imagery and music. No crits or nits on my part. Terry
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Enjoyed the poem, Dale. I have a few suggestions, mostly grammatical. In S2, would you consider a semi-colon instead of the period? In S4, a period instead of the comma? My thoughts on the final...
View ArticleRe: Loon Lake Resort Cabin #3
Dale---wonderful narrative, catches that Summer of 42 (the movie) feeling, the unfolding narrative in the glow of a memory, a memory not entirely fixed and set.i enjoyed that anbiguity.very nice flow,...
View ArticleRe: Loon Lake Resort Cabin #3
Terry, thanks for reading, glad you liked it. JD, I always appreciate your input, I am working on a revision and will consider your suggestions. Also, yes this is about more than a pleasant family...
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I don't know. I still like the original. It seems more streamlined and to the point, less hung up on description--there is enough. Even the boy pulled by the Chris-Craft cutting too close to shore is...
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Yup...agree with Terry. balancing act, minimal description and pace. lumbering a bit now...bernie
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dale -- i 'remember this poem --- ....to the hard maple board,.....MAYBE DECK/DECKING..... I KINDA IMAGINE A BOARD being something stuck on a wall[notice board etc] , but that may be a regional...
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After holding their breath my sisters emerge from the water, lie on the dock like two otter pups. After holding their breath,like two otter pups my sisters emerge from the water, lie on the dock. .
View ArticleRe: Loon Lake Resort Cabin #3
Dale, the revised imagery has gone very 'stock' for me. It's presented as if with the dull side of a hand punctuating each verse. If I'm getting the drift of it, it appears the 'overarchingness' of...
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